Lately i have felt a loss of self. A confused state of being, with a constant thought in my waking hours "is this really the conscious life i am living?". It is strange to me that my dream state feels more real than my waking reality. Moments pass but i feel alive only with the wind tangling through my hair. Calm, still days feel stagnant...forcing me to look at why i am feeling this way. A lack of creative outlet, exhaustion, lack of balance, lack of sense of community? i reflect on the picture above often, remembering the 6 months i was back home before moving to Denver, and how whole and at peace with myself i felt. This was one beautiful winter afternoon while hiking in the desert. Sitting on top of a hill with a hawk perched a few feet awhile, completely calm at sharing space with me, as we watched the wild horses in the distant graze around and play with one another. the beautiful mountain of job's peak the sun was moving behind, giving its healing love to the Lake. What is the difference, its not my lack of human community, it is the lack of earth community. The loving biodiversity of all beings, living in harmony with one another. The concrete jungle is making find a new center within myself. I am forced to rewire and adapt to this cluttered mind state. Is this naturally how humans are feeling, and Gaia pulses of energy to remember the connect, to share the love. Engaging the inner flame inside our hearts that yearns to remember not only our earth past, but our spiritual past. The access to my collect unconscious sees so much artificial happiness, a lot like the life we life, confused with false notions of the socially acceptable human. The Burberry fashion show was in the New York Times today, and i thought to myself, this is more absurd than sports, we sit and watch false ideas of how women and men should look in clothing that are not practical for the earth as whole, as they contribute to our strange currency program.

YES I REALIZE THIS IS A SCATTERED TRAIN OF THOUGHT!! but i am telling you, this is how my head has been lately, scattered, unable to hold on to the sanity and logic of our system. By product of living in a city?
While there are so many aspects that i absolutely love about living in the city: music, art, lots of people i can relate to...is it enough when my mental state is screaming. anyone have suggestions on how to find peace when i feel like there is always a conversation to be had, always electromagnetic frequencies pounding into my brain.

And then i allow myself to remember, i helped create this reality. I also have the power to co-create an equally relevant reality, with like hearted people, who are feeling this inner heart flame burning and whose head is also reflecting the need for change. I am now going to head home from this crowded coffee shop in a ridiculously expensive mall, and make some jewelry and do some yoga. Because tomorrow its back to the daily grind....