I am lost in a sea of emotion,

polarities mirrored

stripped down

loosing all urge control

i sit here,

water streaming down my skin

the naked rawness washing it all away.

I am no longer trying to control 

to gain an outcome.

I just breath.

Accept myself

Accept the decisions,

I have made 

to be in this moment.

This present moment is fleeting.

Inhale its sweet nectar

The gratitude of the present 

The love for self

The small gifts of beauty brings joy to the climb.

Speaking of control, I feel as if 2014 has stripped all my urge to control. One lesson after another teaching me how to better let go and accept where i am at in the present moment. Take a breath in it, speak my truth with love in the heart and stop trying to force an outcome. 

The unfolding beauty of the year has balanced all hardship out. 

All i can see now is an incredible amount of blessings and growth.

Keep your heart open to the universal truths in each experience, the moment is fleeting.

Embrace and Release, take a lesson from your lungs.

"If I was a raven, I'd fly on through the heavens. I'd fly to all my loved ones. If I was a raven. If memories worth saving, I'd savor the feeling of knowing love and loving. I'd remember the feeling. Some say upon that mountain, there is many a raven, they call out to the living from somewhere far beyond them, from those we've loved that have flown on, from those we have loved that have flown on."

                                            
I miss you tigre <3 p="">

"We do not become healers. We came as healers. We are.
Some of us are still catching up to what we are.

We do not become storytellers.
We came as carriers of the stories that we and our ancestors actually lived. We are.
Some of us are still catching up to what we are.

We do not become artists. We came as artists. We are.

We do not become writers..dancers...musicians...helpers...peacemakers. We came as such.
We are.

We do not learn to love in this sense.

We came as love. We are Love.

Some of us are still catching up to who we truly are."

-Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Sometimes when I don't know what to do,
who to talk to,
how to even begin the conversation with myself,
I find myself writing.
Writing to myself, in any fragmented form across this universe.

I believe that this empathetic nature of mine brings in experiences that allow me to relate and speak to the heart of others. It sometimes feels overwhelming and hard to deal with,
but when the hardness and pain of it subsides I always feel overwhelming gratitude to be able to share my love with people, to understand them in their heart.


Today, I don't know what to write...but I feel like it is what I am suppose to be doing at this moment in time, since it has always been how I find peace. I am troubled, I am upset, I have never felt my heart this broken. Mostly I feel lost and blessed for all the open hearted connections I have made with such beautiful beings.
One of my best friends just reminded me of an article I had sent her once when life was rough for her, I cried while rereading it, for it reminded me of the potential that happens when life falls apart.

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/06/why-being-broken-in-a-pile-on-your-bedroom-floor-is-a-good-idea-julie-jc-peters/

I fall apart often, I actually feel very comfortable with the crumbling, I have always had the gift of knowing that it is all learning. I enjoy the recreation, for some reason today feels different. I think it is the fact that I am taking in pain that is not all mine, I am taking in pain for very close loved ones, I can't help. That feeling of helplessness when being asked for help is making my insides crumble, making me really hurt for the general population of humans who experience this type of loss (like my loved ones are right now).
We are not set up to support each other and be successful as a collective and it makes the wounds hurt deeper.
I am usually pretty positive about the direction so many of us are taking our community, or society and the changes we are making, but right now i just feel anger for the selfishness, I feel angry at the ego that rules this dimension. I feel angry that we are so disconnected from each other, the earth, the universe that we no longer even recognize anything outside of ourselves and our egos.


So...I am sad & angry. Writing is not bringing me peace, the only thing that I think would bring me peace is some trees, or to be home with my family.

Today has been a learning day in my life for 13 years, and today is no different. When it comes to humans, today is a day of learning. Learning of our disconnect. Learning of the ability to ignore our universal consciousness that brings us to our heart space. Learning of brainwashing. Learning of the ego. Learning of pain. Learning of hate. Learning of separation.

I choose to love. I choose to live from my heart not my ego. I choose unity. I choose happiness.
Most importantly I choose to make a difference. I want to be connected to the earth. I want to be connected to the cosmos. I want to be connected with my past. I want to manifest my future. I want to remember my cosmic history. I want to live from my heart. I want to continue on loving and sharing. I want to do my best to be the best expression of myself during this earth experience.

I want to share, learn, love and grow. I want my energetic vibration to reflect compassion, love, & acceptance. I want to no longer see myself as an I.

<3 nbsp="" p="">

uninspired to write.
i go through such huge changes in my outlet of energy.
sometimes i write to release the ideas and stop myself from adding to and creating stories in my head. sometimes i release by dancing, feet stomping on the earth to deep bass feeling cradled by vibration.
transforming the energy into love and light by bringing it into the heart and releasing it through movement.
sometimes i paint, channeling the energy into creation

as i take a deeper look at things, every action i take to release is a meditation, a prayer. Transmuting energy into positive outlets.  

The winter has passed...

I finally feel like i have some insight onto my state of being the past 6 months.

from November until now May i have been in (well my perception) a depressed state.

I broke through it the past week and have recognized some fundamentals that i have been depriving myself.

For example the stillness of being...

I have denied myself access to many parts of me that allow me to live in oneness with my community, the earth and my cosmic family.  

I realized my "depression" was from suppressing the call to do more than make money to survive. While i have been making money to survive, i have built up walls of separateness. Through feeling separate i have lost touch with the core of my being. I haven't been reflecting out my connection to my reality. Instead i have allowed myself to get stuck in my mind, playing games with my ego. Struggling back and forth. 

I know this is really my first time living in an actual city, i have always live outside of them, where it is still possible to maintain a close connection with the Earth (Salt Lake City is so close to the mountains it doesn't count).

To be without a car for a year and not be able to dig my hands into some earth and feel my connection, i have lost parts of myself. 

I am slowly working back to them. 

Finding the balance between it all.

I started working on moving out of my head into my heart a couple months ago.

The easier it has become due to practice and awareness, the more these insights keep popping out at me.

It has been painful growing pains, in a way i have never experienced before.

But i am grateful, 

I am grateful for a lot of things in my life. The Earth, which is supporting this experience for me and so many others. 

I am grateful for the beautiful beings that teach me so much, and reflect so much beauty, love and lessons. 

I am grateful for living, just living- all the feelings, all the rawness, all the purity.

I am grateful for discovery, remembering things i have learned several times in just this life time & i am grateful for new experiences of forgotten knowledge/wisdom.

I just feel incredibly grateful

sprouting upwards.

Spirit Science 26 ~ The Big Picture



I have found myself recently at a loss of words.
The winter was rough, the spring emerged.
The ground warmed and buds started popping out of the fertile ground.
The dormancy of winter faded into a subtle buzz.
Life blooming all around us, and within us.

I felt an awakening, of this life passing through my fingers as i dug my hands into compost.
It was apart of me, i could feel my physical self melding into the soil,
The crawling of earth worms in and out of my fingers lost its foreign feeling.

 The re-connection: i felt myself tuning in and out.
My planetary self connecting to the entity Gaia, and all that i coexist with.

Suddenly my jungle of humans, with barriers, separation and ego was intolerable.
I needed to find the balance.

Balance of vibratory state.
Balance of physical exertion.
Balance of mental stimuli.
Balance of spiritual exploration.
Balance of creativity.
Balance of inter-connectivity.
Balance of oneness with all life.

I have always resonated a lot more with plants and animals.
I am learning about myself in a fresh perspective.
This perspective has been achieved by balance.

Through this balance i am discovering, growing, sharing, & co-creating.
These beautiful being that surround me are full of so much love.
Not only do i deserve to be free of separation,
They deserve to experience our relationship from a space of connection.

When your heart is full of love

It radiates through all perceptions of separation.

Gaia

This is the most full visual and audio expression of most my feelings today

http://youtu.be/YsgP8LkEopM