Sometimes when I don't know what to do,
who to talk to,
how to even begin the conversation with myself,
I find myself writing.
Writing to myself, in any fragmented form across this universe.
I believe that this empathetic nature of mine brings in experiences that allow me to relate and speak to the heart of others. It sometimes feels overwhelming and hard to deal with,
but when the hardness and pain of it subsides I always feel overwhelming gratitude to be able to share my love with people, to understand them in their heart.
Today, I don't know what to write...but I feel like it is what I am suppose to be doing at this moment in time, since it has always been how I find peace. I am troubled, I am upset, I have never felt my heart this broken. Mostly I feel lost and blessed for all the open hearted connections I have made with such beautiful beings.
One of my best friends just reminded me of an article I had sent her once when life was rough for her, I cried while rereading it, for it reminded me of the potential that happens when life falls apart.
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/06/why-being-broken-in-a-pile-on-your-bedroom-floor-is-a-good-idea-julie-jc-peters/
I fall apart often, I actually feel very comfortable with the crumbling, I have always had the gift of knowing that it is all learning. I enjoy the recreation, for some reason today feels different. I think it is the fact that I am taking in pain that is not all mine, I am taking in pain for very close loved ones, I can't help. That feeling of helplessness when being asked for help is making my insides crumble, making me really hurt for the general population of humans who experience this type of loss (like my loved ones are right now).
We are not set up to support each other and be successful as a collective and it makes the wounds hurt deeper.
I am usually pretty positive about the direction so many of us are taking our community, or society and the changes we are making, but right now i just feel anger for the selfishness, I feel angry at the ego that rules this dimension. I feel angry that we are so disconnected from each other, the earth, the universe that we no longer even recognize anything outside of ourselves and our egos.
So...I am sad & angry. Writing is not bringing me peace, the only thing that I think would bring me peace is some trees, or to be home with my family.
Today has been a learning day in my life for 13 years, and today is no different. When it comes to humans, today is a day of learning. Learning of our disconnect. Learning of the ability to ignore our universal consciousness that brings us to our heart space. Learning of brainwashing. Learning of the ego. Learning of pain. Learning of hate. Learning of separation.
I choose to love. I choose to live from my heart not my ego. I choose unity. I choose happiness.
Most importantly I choose to make a difference. I want to be connected to the earth. I want to be connected to the cosmos. I want to be connected with my past. I want to manifest my future. I want to remember my cosmic history. I want to live from my heart. I want to continue on loving and sharing. I want to do my best to be the best expression of myself during this earth experience.
I want to share, learn, love and grow. I want my energetic vibration to reflect compassion, love, & acceptance. I want to no longer see myself as an I.
<3 nbsp="" p="">
who to talk to,
how to even begin the conversation with myself,
I find myself writing.
Writing to myself, in any fragmented form across this universe.
I believe that this empathetic nature of mine brings in experiences that allow me to relate and speak to the heart of others. It sometimes feels overwhelming and hard to deal with,
but when the hardness and pain of it subsides I always feel overwhelming gratitude to be able to share my love with people, to understand them in their heart.
Today, I don't know what to write...but I feel like it is what I am suppose to be doing at this moment in time, since it has always been how I find peace. I am troubled, I am upset, I have never felt my heart this broken. Mostly I feel lost and blessed for all the open hearted connections I have made with such beautiful beings.
One of my best friends just reminded me of an article I had sent her once when life was rough for her, I cried while rereading it, for it reminded me of the potential that happens when life falls apart.
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/06/why-being-broken-in-a-pile-on-your-bedroom-floor-is-a-good-idea-julie-jc-peters/
I fall apart often, I actually feel very comfortable with the crumbling, I have always had the gift of knowing that it is all learning. I enjoy the recreation, for some reason today feels different. I think it is the fact that I am taking in pain that is not all mine, I am taking in pain for very close loved ones, I can't help. That feeling of helplessness when being asked for help is making my insides crumble, making me really hurt for the general population of humans who experience this type of loss (like my loved ones are right now).
We are not set up to support each other and be successful as a collective and it makes the wounds hurt deeper.
I am usually pretty positive about the direction so many of us are taking our community, or society and the changes we are making, but right now i just feel anger for the selfishness, I feel angry at the ego that rules this dimension. I feel angry that we are so disconnected from each other, the earth, the universe that we no longer even recognize anything outside of ourselves and our egos.
So...I am sad & angry. Writing is not bringing me peace, the only thing that I think would bring me peace is some trees, or to be home with my family.
Today has been a learning day in my life for 13 years, and today is no different. When it comes to humans, today is a day of learning. Learning of our disconnect. Learning of the ability to ignore our universal consciousness that brings us to our heart space. Learning of brainwashing. Learning of the ego. Learning of pain. Learning of hate. Learning of separation.
I choose to love. I choose to live from my heart not my ego. I choose unity. I choose happiness.
Most importantly I choose to make a difference. I want to be connected to the earth. I want to be connected to the cosmos. I want to be connected with my past. I want to manifest my future. I want to remember my cosmic history. I want to live from my heart. I want to continue on loving and sharing. I want to do my best to be the best expression of myself during this earth experience.
I want to share, learn, love and grow. I want my energetic vibration to reflect compassion, love, & acceptance. I want to no longer see myself as an I.
<3 nbsp="" p="">
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