The winter has passed...

I finally feel like i have some insight onto my state of being the past 6 months.

from November until now May i have been in (well my perception) a depressed state.

I broke through it the past week and have recognized some fundamentals that i have been depriving myself.

For example the stillness of being...

I have denied myself access to many parts of me that allow me to live in oneness with my community, the earth and my cosmic family.  

I realized my "depression" was from suppressing the call to do more than make money to survive. While i have been making money to survive, i have built up walls of separateness. Through feeling separate i have lost touch with the core of my being. I haven't been reflecting out my connection to my reality. Instead i have allowed myself to get stuck in my mind, playing games with my ego. Struggling back and forth. 

I know this is really my first time living in an actual city, i have always live outside of them, where it is still possible to maintain a close connection with the Earth (Salt Lake City is so close to the mountains it doesn't count).

To be without a car for a year and not be able to dig my hands into some earth and feel my connection, i have lost parts of myself. 

I am slowly working back to them. 

Finding the balance between it all.

I started working on moving out of my head into my heart a couple months ago.

The easier it has become due to practice and awareness, the more these insights keep popping out at me.

It has been painful growing pains, in a way i have never experienced before.

But i am grateful, 

I am grateful for a lot of things in my life. The Earth, which is supporting this experience for me and so many others. 

I am grateful for the beautiful beings that teach me so much, and reflect so much beauty, love and lessons. 

I am grateful for living, just living- all the feelings, all the rawness, all the purity.

I am grateful for discovery, remembering things i have learned several times in just this life time & i am grateful for new experiences of forgotten knowledge/wisdom.

I just feel incredibly grateful